Your Little Girl Needs You…

6

To my Superhero,
My Father

Dad, I still remember the time when I used to say ‘Dada’ and you used to smile and correct me ‘munnu it’s dad’ but I didn’t stop saying Dada (even now I do so) . I don’t remember it but I can picture the time when I was born.
You are standing in the corridor of the hospital – a nurse comes out holding me in her arms. “Look how beautiful she is, make her a doctor or an engineer.” She said looking at my face.
“She’ll be whatever she’ll want to be. I am sure she’ll be the brightest star of my sky.” You said so proudly while all I had done till then was taken birth. You took me in your arms and held me with such care as if I were a snowflake and would get destroyed if you’d hold me with a little force.

Since that day you are the only Superhero I have in my life.

I am so lucky to have a father as so many people are deprived of this beautiful relation. And am even more lucky to have YOU as my father. You made my childhood the most beautiful part of my life. Whenever I was sad or angry I knew I had a shoulder to cry on.

I remember how you used to become a horse for me and had me ride on your back and I would laugh as if that was my last laugh. You used to tickle me and I would laugh even more. I grew up in your shade absorbing all your traits and so I wasn’t fragile. I am so proud that I have your eyes and your nose and even a broad forehead like yours. You taught me how to fight for myself and my family.

Whenever I saw you come home from work, exhausted yet having lots of love and new tales for me, I used to think at that time, why don’t I grow fast so I can earn and you can rest. I always had a dream that whenever I will travel, I’ll travel with my parents. I remember my stomach becoming a traitor whenever you fed me and my eyes becoming an ocean whenever you scolded me.

When you scolded me for the first time, I had cried the whole day continuously.
You came home and took me in your arms. I sat on the rooftop in your lap and you narrated the story of lodestar. And that day you said ” You are the brightest star of my sky, don’t cry. What will I do if your shine will fade.”
That time being so young, I didn’t understand the depth of your words but now I do.
Through all those tales and anecdotes, you were the one who taught me how to differentiate between good and bad.

I remember one day you bought a bicycle for me and I didn’t even know how to ride it. Next morning you woke me up early to teach me how to ride it but I was so afraid to fall and you said ” Don’t be afraid of falling, I am always there to pick you up beta. I’ve got your back.”

Do you know the one of the most haunting memories that I have?
It is when one day you didn’t come home at the time you used to everyday. Your phone was switched off. We were getting so worried. But then we heard a knock on the door. I ran to open the door to see if it was you. And there you were standing, holding your briefcase in your sweaty palms. Your hazel coloured eyes glittering with kindness but your lips, your lips were deprived of smile. And suddenly I saw the big red stain on your white shirt. I asked “Dad what is… what is that?”
“You know late at night it’s not safe, somebody had a knife and… and…”
Your breathing was shallow. You somehow managed to sit on a chair.

For a moment my heart stopped beating. It felt like there was no oxygen in the room. But you started laughing. ” Don’t worry it’s just red ink. ”

Till then tears were rolling down my cheeks and that day I realised how every moment with you was so precious.

But the most haunting memory is when there were no blood stains on your shirt but you were not talking. Your kind eyes were lifeless and the irony was that your smile was still there on your face yet it was not making me feel good. Dad, I don’t understand why God did this to me, to us. Why doesn’t he send some kind of warning letter or something before snatching our favourite things or people.

I am so angry with you Dad, very angry.

Is this why you taught me to be independent?
So that one day you could leave me alone. Is this why you narrated every story you knew to me?
So that you could burn the book inside you and nobody could read it.
Is this why I have inherited your eyes?
So that when everyday I will look into the mirror they will remind me of your kind eyes, or worse, your lifeless eyes.
Is this why I have bulgy nose and not a thin and pointed one?
So that it will remind me of your pride.
Why Dad, why?
There are so many things I’ve yet to learn.
Please teach me how to drive a car or a motorbike.
Please teach YOUR ‘brightest star’ how to shine without a ‘sky’ because you were my sky Dad.
Please call me Munnu once again, my ears are dying to hear your voice.
Please correct me when I call you ‘Dada’.

I have fallen apart Dad, in this deep dungeon. I see no light here. My shine has faded.
Please come and illuminate my path.
PLEASE come and pick me up… PLEASE…
The ache that I am feeling in my heart is greater than any heart break or betrayal. It is spreading in my whole body through blood and oxygen.
The thought of you not being around is just devastating dad. How am I supposed to live with that?
PLEASE Dad bring that cheerful smile back on your face, tell me it’s all a joke again, tell me you are all right, tell me you will be here for your ‘brightest star’ forever… PLEASE…

Please Dad come back.

Your little girl needs you.
I love you so much..

Your Daughter.

6 COMMENTS

  1. 😭. Sometimes they will be at a place where they can never be returned. I miss him terribly. But I can remember and feel he is alive and living with me as my shadow where ever I go.Blesses me for everything I’m doing my life.

  2. Teri Kabr par mein Fatiha padhne nhi aaya…
    Teri maut ki Sachi khabar jisne failayi thi..Wo jhootha tha…
    Tere haath meri unglion mein Saans lete hain…
    Teri kabr mein main dafan Hun…
    Tu mujh mein zinda hai…!!
    Could relate to your each n every word Ankita despite a time lag of 27 years…
    Can understand the pain of loosing a father at tender age…
    But time wheel neither reverses..nor stops…!!

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